


Lather, Rinse, Obey

by B_Uthoughtwrong



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, I take requests fyi, Implied Avenger Agent!Reader, Low key fluffy, Reader-Insert, Sub title: Domestic Loki Is Domestic AF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-01-04 20:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12176091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_Uthoughtwrong/pseuds/B_Uthoughtwrong
Summary: "I, Loki, god of mischief, burdened with glorious purpose, handsome beyond compare, remind you of this blue, fickle Midgardian character who sells shampoo?" he spat out"Well, if it's any consolation, a secret agent also kicks his ass on a daily basis."***Turned it into a series of one shots due to amazing people who liked the story so much.





	1. Do A Domestic

**Author's Note:**

> I did actually get the title from Kim Possible. You should defo check it out  
> Sorry for any typos, my pet  
> xxx
> 
> [request me something on tumblr](https://just-some-random-blogger.tumblr.com/ask)

"Gosh, Drakken really should've existed."

Offended by the sudden outburst, Loki turned to the woman he was leaning on in the tub. "Who's Drakken?"

 _"Lather, Rinse, Obey_  tycoon, all the rage in the nineties." She spoke in reply as she massaged and on purposely pulled the raven haired man's locks quickly and painfully. He groaned and once more looked at her with distaste written all over his face. _"Gosh,_ how much I'd pay to get you to bathe yourself."

The Norse god raised a single brow and sunk himself farther in the bubbly tub, contented with the feeling his lover's softness against his tenseness. "I do not know, nor do I care for your Drakken character. However... I thought you liked washing my hair?"

She chuckled and dug her fingers deep into the being's thick mane, "It was fun the first few times, but you seem to forget, I'm your girlfriend _not_ your slave."

Loki hummed and pushed his head back into the comforting massage delivered on his scalp. She rolled her eyes at him, annoyed by how _not_ annoyed she really was towards the non-annoying _annoying_ thing wrapped in her legs. "Do not fret my pet, I do not think of you as my slave."

"Yeah, but you literally just called me your pe-" "I think _servant_ would be more accurate." Time froze at that moment; she had raised brows, he had a consuming smirk. "That was a joke, by the way." Loki breathed out a little too close for comfort. She pushed his head off, along with the rest of him, with much force, in turn, making Loki laugh smugly at his aggressive _pet. "Darling,"_ he started. Goodness, how he spoke in such a manner such as milk and honey. She covered her sudsy, naked form with crossed arms and turned to him with her chin up, kicking him away from her. _"Don't be cross._ " he spoke surely with a slight teasing chuckle. With that, she stood up from the tub they two were submerged in, covered herself up with a towel and left.

"Shall I finish up without you then?" he called out for her just as she slammed the door.

* * *

He watched her laugh on her back as wires plugged into her ears allowed her to listen to sounds from her phone. He was still wet, a towel hung low on his lips. He thought he could distract her. He was presumptuous and mistaken. She giggled and felt giddy as she gazed on the screen of her gadget.

"What has you jittery like a child?"

She heard him, and turned, _"Drakken."_

He raised a single brow in offence of the name he heard once too many times. "What _of_ him?"

"His commercial for brain washing shampoo is bringing back such good memories. I remember how much I had a crush on his _non-blue_ and evil self."

_"What?"_

She laughed at herself. "Nothing. It's... not something you'd understand."

"Show me." Loki spoke flatly, extending a hand out to her. She knit her brows, sat up and motioned that the being sit next to her. He was not having it. Driven by petty jealousy, he snatched the phone, along with the wires connected to it, pulling it away, allowing it to drop on the floor, earning him a scolding  _'hey'_ from his woman. Loki pressed on the play button on the screen and at once the video played.

The pyjama dressed woman started to chuckle, lowly, suppressing the sheer laughter she had bubbling inside her. _"What is this?"_ The tall creature scowled at the cartoon playing.

"That, _my dear,_ is a video of the Lather, Rinse, Obey commercial I was talking about."

"And this thing rapping is the Drakken you spoke of."

"Yeah, and as I said, I'd pay good money for his brain washing shampoo so a _certain someone,"_ she quickly grabbed the phone from his hands, "won't go around being all annoying." But then she turned to the floor with knit brows in contemplation. _"Though..._ I'm pretty sure only Drakken would be able to control you but, I mean, he's evil. But if he _hypothetically_   would cater for the masses then--" "So Drakken's a mere drawing?"

She raised a brow and placed her hands on her hips. She scoffed, _"Mere?_   I'll have you know Kim Possible was one of the better Disney shows and teenage self would've _actually_ attacked you for saying that."

Loki knit his brows and shook his head, "What are you talking about?"

"And how could you say _mere_ when you literally remind me so much of him!" She exclaimed in a sudden eureka moment and then broke off in laughter. He clenched his jaw and exhaled deeply, wiping his lips and his chin in sheer offence. "I mean you're both, like, _meh_ -evil, but deep down you both just need a hug." Now Loki _really_ was offended.

"I, Loki, god of mischief, burdened with glorious purpose, handsome beyond compare, remind you of this blue, fickle Midgardian character who sells shampoo?" he spat out.

"Well, if it's any consolation, a secret agent also kicks his ass on a daily basis."

 

He couldn't help it, in this moment, Loki found such amusement in his beloved, he broke out in hearty chuckles as he placed his hand on either side of his waist in defeat. She joined in the laughter and threw her head back, almost losing balance when the being suddenly snatched her and pulled her to his still damp chest. He inhaled and exhaled the satisfying scent of his lover as he wrapped his arms around her, seeking out her warmth. She chuckled softly against his cool, bare chest and wrapped her arms around his torso.

"If you truly find annoyance in bathing with me," he muttered against the crown of her head, "then I shall no longer wish you to accompany me in the tub, my dear."

Breaking away from the sturdy thumping sound of his heart beat, she peered up at him with a soft smile and pecked his lips quickly. "Loki, Loki, Loki, if I _really_ hated taking a bath with you, I would've never done it in the first place."

Loki knit his brows slightly as he examined her face. She huffed, "But next time maybe you could wash _my_ hair."

A smile grew on his face and he chuckled with a nod of disapproval, "Why didn't you just say so?" Loki then attacked her neck with kisses, _"no,_ instead you had to compare me with a  _Drakken."_ he groaned out against he skin, making her chuckle.

"Hey, Drakken is-" "If you dare defend that nasty thing again, I will have you over my knee." Loki spoke out as an actual threat and nothing more. But his dear playful _pet_ bit her lips at the suggestive statement, "That doesn't sound _too_ bad, baby."


	2. Coffee Can Reveal The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASDFGHKAKEJDNEKPSM I'M FINALLY DOING IT SO I HOPE YA'LL WHO WANTED PARTE DOS LIKE IT  
> And, honestly, thank you so much for being so sweet, because of you this story is now a frackin series ((((((:  
>  **This is a request made by one of the sweetest snowflakes called _wense_ whom you can give your thanks to. (Dis one here hella motivated me to write)**

Loki slouched on a couch for his beloved was far too busy for him at the moment. He didn't mind. He simply felt drawn to her at the hour for he felt something was wrong, _not with him,_ but with her.

"Loki?" a voice cracked out. Immediately, the tall man worn out of patience jumped from his seat and sealed the tiny woman in his long arms. She wasn't actually small, however, _fact is,_ she's taller than most women and even some men here; it just so happens her boyfried was quite firmly a god in most aspects of himself. "I knew something had happened to you." The raven haired man growled lowly as the woman who had been sobbing and sniffling slightly chuckled.

 _"Really?_ How did you know I spilled hot coffee on my shirt, almost causing a first to second degree burn on my chest?" The agent in her uniform pulled back a bit to show the man her soaked top. Loki looked at the dampness of her shirt and squinted his eyes at it. She pulled away and covered her chest with her arms, _"Perv."_

Loki pursed his lips. He wasn't _perv_ -ing our on his woman, _no,_ he was wondering why she would lie about why she cried. Her chest bared a sorrow that did not correlate to the now soothed burn on her skin. He clenched his jaw. "We shall retire home." Loki held out his hand. She smiled softly, "Doll, I'm fine, plus, I still have-- _PUT ME DOWN YOU OAF!"_ She broke her own sentence as the six foot man grabbed her arm and threw her over his shoulder.

"If I get fired-" _"Stark wouldn't dare_ get rid of his best agent."

_"But-"_

"Darling, you a bothersome." Loki spoke too simply as the woman whose belly lay on his shoulder, legs sealed in his left arm, pounded against the firm surface that was Loki's back. "I have made up my mind, little one. Not even the gods can change that."

"I swear to all things holy, I will cut you. I will actually get a knife and drag it along your pretty face." She warned, slowly giving in to her predicament.

Loki smirked, "How comforting that you think my face pretty." She chuckled begrudedly at that. "Though  _marvellous_ or _glorious_  should be more appropriate, dearest." the man added. She laughed at this point, and ceased her assault. After walking passed agents who were not at all fazed by the display, minus the newbie who almost felt obligated to help the poor senior agent out, only to recieve a disapproving nod from another senior agent who then explained that that was Loki and his woman who did things like that on a day to day basis.

**_Do not engage._ **

"Can you at least not carry me like a sack of potatoes?"

Loki stopped in his tracks and pulled the lady into his arms. "Shall I carry you like a bride instead?" He spoke peering down at the woman who was now in his arms, _bridal style._ She pursed her lips tightly, trying to hide a wide smile from appearing. She failed. As she broke into a chuckle, she decided to speak up, _"Or, I could just walk?"_

"You would run away."

"I would _not."_

 _"I know._ I just like the looks your people give at the sight I am giving."

* * *

 

"I still can't believe you carried me all the way home." she chuckled softly, finally being placed on her feet. Loki huffed a chuckle, "I still can't believe _you_ can't believe that _I_ would not do such romantic things for you." The woman laughed and wrapped her arms around his torso, "Pah, if _that's_ romantic for you, we should just break up." Loki smiled at her truthless words and wrapped his arms around her. "Do your arms hurt?"

"No."

 _"Psshhh,_ liar." she groaned and pushed the man away lightly to look at him eye to eye. Loki found this as his oppurtunity, so he cocked his head and countered, "Like you lied to me about why you cried?"

Her slightly smug expression dropped an octave, so did her jaw hang a bit. Loki sighed and brushed her right cheek with his fingers, "I am the best liar in the world, detecting you had was merely taking a stroll down a hall."

She wanted to chuckle slightly at his not too common metaphor but decided against it. "It wasn't an entire lie."

Loki's face fell. He knew he was right, but he was more than willing to not be at this moment.

 

They moved to the bed, snuggling and nuzzling against each other's skin. Loki had his back leaned against the headboard, and on his lap was his woman, cuddling his torso, tears she think is falling from her eyes unnoticed. He wanted to be violent for her, Loki wanted to tear the town apart but only if that was what she wanted and he knew she wanted none of that.  _"Fuck."_ she cursed out of character, making Loki gulp. He dare not shift in his place in fear that the warmth on him might disappear. Instead he tightened his arms around the saddened being and kissed the crown of her head. "My love, tell me what encumbers your being." he urged.

She huffed in a sort of chuckle, "It's not a big deal, it hardly encumbers me..."

"Well if it's enough to make you cry, I will, to my last breath, argue otherwise."

"I just... I'm a clutz. I spilled my coffee on myself and on a few pages of my co-worker's paperwork, and embarrassed myself." she spoke with finality.

 _"Ahh..."_  Loki sounded, fake finding realization in those words. "Yes, you _embarrassed_ yourself over spilled coffee but bat not a lash when I had literally degraded and verbally brought you down in front of the Avengers using your past problems **and** your flaws." Loki scoffed in annoyance. _"B_ _rilliant; you've grown soft."_

She felt awfully defensive over that. She was well used to his biting barks, but it was the clear point he had made that soon made her start to try and wrangle out of her lover's arms. _Not happening,_ however much a fighter she was; Loki was truly a thousand times more determined than her tenfold when he had his mind set, and as spoken before, not even the gods could change his mind. So instead of cuddling on the bed sweetly like originally planned to do until she tore her heart out, Loki instead pressed his body against hers and pinned her down to avoid her from fleeing -- particularly to the bathroom where she found santuary in when Loki's arms were unavailable.

Loki clicked his tongue, _"Prickly rose,_ stop fighting me off."

She groaned, still trying to get out of his grip. Loki chuckled softly at her attempt that laster far longer than it should've. In the end, she turned her face to a side, thinking she could hide the tear rolling down the bridge of her nose against the sheets she got all crumpled. Loki's chest and throat tightened, _this was not a part of the plan._ "I beg you, don't cry." He released his grip on her wrists and shifted his weight to cup her exposed cheek with a hand. "My love," he whispered,  _"_ _please,_ speak to me."

She then pulled the being hangin over her down, causing both of then to huff, but she didn't mind no matter how Loki internally worried he might've crushed the woman beneath him. Loki awkwardly tried to position his head so he could both look and listen to his fair maiden, but instead, he petitioned to flip them over and with a soft giggle, the two lovers found a better fit, legs entwined her head against his chest; yes, this was far better.

"It's just that stress caught up with me, Loki," she mumbled, the thick cloth of his top. He remained silent, indicating that she should continue. She did, "There were new agents present when I got my shirt messed up. And yeah, Zack-" " _-who's Zack?"_ "The co-worker who had the paperwork," she chuckled slightly. _"Ah,_ proceed." Loki replied making her giggle. He didn't plan to do so, make her laugh at his frivoulous jealousy, but was glad that he did because she ended up smiling. "Anyway, _loser,_ Zack _was_ pretty annoying because he made fun of me in front of the new agents, but I lost it because I had just been so out of it lately and I guess everything that happened pushed me over the edge." _Noted:_ _have a word with a scum that is Zack_ , Loki thought. She sighed, "But it's not Zack's fault, okay? Don't even think about it." _Blasts, why must she be so intuitive,_ Loki cursed internally, _can she also read minds if she puts her heart to it?_

"I just... everything's been weighing down on me lately. Work, and how I look-" "-what's wrong with how you look?" _Had I said that aloud,_ she tensed up. "I look like a train wreck," _plus 1000 more things I should change about my body._

"What _thousand_ things?" Loki spoke, offended by her thoughts. She clenched her jaw and turned to him, "I'm no princess Loki, not even when you call me one at times. I'm far too-" "don't finish that." Loki spoke flatly. He spoke her name out in a sigh and looked deep into her sould through her eyes, "Do you honestly think that there is something wrong with you?"

She didn't-- _couldn't_ speak but so badly her tongue wanted to roll out a _yes._

"I've heard you far too many times internally, I refuse to hear it aloud as if it were true. I know you believe you aren't _'pretty enough, skinny enough, this, that, enough-enough'_ and you've no idea how many times I wanted to erase your thoughts over it. Do you honestly, _truly_ believe worth is based on appearance? I know you don't because if you had, you probably would've pounced on me and smothered me in kisses the moment we met instead of comparing me to an earthly insect."

She couldn't help but laugh, "You heard that?"

"You were furious, how couldn't I?" Loki chuckled, "But my dear, if the world was meant to be dictated by _one_ universal form of beauty, then you'd force a great mountain to compare itself to a wild flower and the brightest star to compare itself with the clearest ocean. Why would you compare the song of birds to that of wolves when they sing for different things?" Loki tucked hair behind his lover's ear _, "My queen,_ if you were the basis of royalty, I would be lower than a peasant for I cannot compare your likeness to mine."

She felt her skin grow goosebumps and her lips tug up. "Gosh, can you explain your poetry in simpler midgardian language?"

Loki raised a brow and was to actually do so, but she cut him off with a kiss. "I was joking you know."

 _"I know._  Still, I would've made my point clearer either way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHIT I DID NOT NOT SPELL PROOF THIS BECAUSE I DID IT LITERALLY RIGHT AFTER I READ THE COMMENT, WHICH WAS LIKE 2 HOURS AGO AND OMG I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL. I'LL FIX IT LATER. OMG. THANKS FOR READING


	3. Are You Smarter Than A First Grader?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Msjosksjjsodkd  
> Did not spell proff  
> Bye  
> Thanks for reading

Loki felt his upper lip pull up in an instinctively uncomfotable manner. "Do you wish to speak with me, boy? You may, just please... avert your eyes elsewhere."

The tiny child that was oddly the spitting image of his lover and not at the same time blinked slowly, "Are you the man on the TV?"

Loki raised a brow, "What man?"

"You know, _the bad one_ that fought with Captain America and Iron Man? My papap has grandpop's old Captain America films, he also has a few records. Papap also has an Iron Maiden one, but I prefer smooth jazz. Did you know that an iron maiden is also a torture device? I know, it's so surprising. I googled it; I promise it's not a lie." the boy rambled on about something Loki did not quite understand but grasped enough the essense.  _T_ _hank heavens_  the child cut himself off. Loki huffed and turned away from him, slowly wanting to move away or actually _run away_. He didn't _dislike_ children, but he never had a reason to like them either; he felt indifferent in honesty but has never had experience with one thus the unsettlement of his thorax.

 _"Mister,"_ he pulled on Loki's black trenched coat. Loki looked down on the small human and knit his brows, _goodness, what does it want now?_ "My name is Noah. It means relief in Hebrew. What's your name?"

Loki faced the child, tucking his hands in his pockets, "Loki, prince of Asgard, heir to be ruler of the nine realms." _well, not really, my shenigans in Midgard ruined the already slim chance of that from ever happening, but this Noah child doesn't know that,_ Loki thought with a proud smirk.

"You're a _prince?"_ The child's mouth stayed open. Loki's smirk grew, " **Indeed.** "

"What country?"

Loki's upper lip was raised again, "I am no prince of a mere earthen country; I am a prince of _Asgard._ I am to rule much more than your infinitestimal planet."

The boy pursed his lips and hummed, looking over the word infinitestimal that made his head spin. "But what is a Asgard?"

"An,  _an Asgard."_ Loki found himself correcting him grammatically. "An Asgard," the Noah child spoke the clarifivation. He huffed, "It's not an _'an'_ word, it's a _'the'_ word; Asgard as the realm of realms, where Valhalla rests and yet you think nothing of it."

"I don't know what an Asgard is."

"Stop saying an Asgard." He raised his voice a bit. "It's Asgard. Just Asgard, no _an_ s or _the_ s."

"... just Asgard?"

"Yes. Asgard."

"So where is..." _should I say just Asgard_ , the boy thought, "... Asgard." he decided against it.

Loki pursed his lips, "It's in an a entire different realm, an altogther different reality. It will be hard for tou to understand if I tell you like this."

"You mean you're the prince of, like, the whole universe?" Loki chuckled at the boy, partly because he party did understand the expanse of which he spoke. Loki clariffied, "There are countless universes in Midgard, and your realm is merely one of nine; I am to rule all of them."

"Woah!" The boy's eyes widened. Loki smiled proudly. "Mr.... _Prince_ Loki," he felt nice to be called that once more. "How big is the entire world of all universes and galaxies and planets and all of that together?" Loki wanted to point out he didn't arrange the heavemly bodies in order.

Loki crouched down to meet the boy eye to eye. "When I was a child, I was told that there was once only _Niflheim,_ the land of mist -- a cold, cold realm, and _Muspelheim,_ the land of fire -- a hot, hot realm. And along came a giant called _Ymir_ whose remains became the foundation of life in between, _Midgard._ Now, that's the beginning, but as we speak, there are infinite stars being born and dying, along with all other creatures and matter. But long as there is a beginning, there will be and end, but as each moment shall be a start of something and as long as that continues on, the world, the entire world, and planets, and galaxies, and universes, and all existence shall grow until it ceases. So, to cut it short, _well,_ the world is infinitely large."

"Ohhh. How old are you?" the boy asked quickly, because though he actually did try, he couldn't quite grasp _infintely large._ Not yet at his age least.

"Well, if you measure it by your terms, I would say I am may be more or less a thousand years old, but I cannot say for sure." Loki stated, nonchalant.

The boy jolted up with wide eyes at the admission and slapped his hand on either side od his face, "REALLY?"

Loki knit his brows, "How old are you?"

"I'm 6! Your like one milliom times that."

Loki chuckled, "Boy," he held ths giddy thing in place, "I'm a thousand years old, not million or _milliom,_ as you say." he laughed.

 

"So... are you married to my Auntie?" the boy kicked his feet that hung from the bench the two were now seated on. Loki turned to the boy then off to the busy street in front of them. "No."

 _"Oh._ I think you're a pair."

"What?"

"You and my auntie look like a _good_ pair; you look nice together." 

Loki pursed his lips in a slight smile. _"Good."_

"But I was wrong."

"What?"

"You're not married so you aren't a good pair."

Loki snapped his head to the child and narrowed his eyes in offence. He wanted to fight the child for his narrow understanding but upon being faced with his smallness, he instead sighed. "I'm _going_ to marry her."

"Really? Why didn't you marry her already?"

Loki chuckled, "I'm giving her time. You Midgardians have so little of it and yet need so much of it. I suppose there's supposed to be irony in all creatures."

The body didn't pretend to understand, instead he pointed at a store across the street. "I want to eat ice cream."

"To feed you, I would need money, but I have none."

"You don't have money." Noah asked, making Loki nod. "Your auntie carries all the money."

The boy scoffed and whined, "What kind of grown up doesn't have money?"

"One such as I." Loki turned to the child. "You can just tell me you don't want to buy me something; you're not my dad after all, but you don't have to lie." The dark haired man raised a brow at the boy who he now deemed absolutely amusing. "I swear to you, if I had money, I would by you the largest ice cream they have if only to silence your for a _long_ moment."

The boy's eyes widened, "Really?!"

"Really. You're quite annoying." Loki smirked and chuckled. Noah didn't seem to hear or mind, if he did, the last part of what the man spoke of. "Do you promise?" the boy breathed out as if he had just ran a marathon. Loki chuckled and nodded in agreement, "You have my word, human-ling." And as if the world was on that small child's side, Loki's beloved finally came back from the important incognito meeting she had.

"AUNTIE, GIVE HIM SOME MONEY! HE'S POOR!" the boy sprang out from where he sat and grabbed on the woman's leg. Loki stood up and peered down on his woman who knit her brows at him. "Baby, he's not poor." she spoke to her nephew.

"PLEASE GIVE HIM MONEY, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE."

The woman pursed her lips at a smirking Loki who knew exactlt why the child was insisting on this. "What did you tell him."

"We simply conversed about the universe and Midgard, my dear. He acting like this on his own accord."

"HE NEEDS MONEY, AUNTIE. PLEASE, HE'S POOR!" Noah cried out with actual tears falling from his eyes.; it was tears of frustration. Bewildered by the boy's apperance, his auntie pulled out her wallet and gave it to the tall being beside her. "There, he has money now, Noah. Please don't cry."

Noah blinked throught tears and pouted assessing the situation. Loki smirked and shook the money container, extending his hand to the boy he knew wanted ice cream. Noah sniffled and took his hand, the two then crossing the street looking like father and son. All the while, the woman who felt like she had been goose-stepped and lured into a trap knit her brows at the happening and followed after the two.

"Hey!" she called after just as the two got in the ice cream shop and immediately ordered the biggest one they sold.

 

"Loki! You conspired with my nephew in a sugar motivated guilt trip?" she gasped a rhetorical at the sight of the now giddy and smiling massively six year old. The man still holding his hand turned to the woman, "We should have lots of these."

And in that moment, Loki recieved the huge bowl of frozen delight and brought it to a table. The three of them sat down and the boy, still smiling, started devouring his prize.

Loki handed his woman a spoon just as he held one, "You like to share, don't you?" Loki made sure, regardless of whethere or not her actually wanted to share.

Noah nodded furiously and shivered due to his cold treat, "Sharing is caring."

Loki chuckled, "We should definitly have lots of these?"

"Since when did you like ice cream." the woman beside him huffed out. "I wasn't talking about this dessert." Loki spoke, turning to his love, "I was talking about children.


	4. I'm Tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asnfkdk I was supposed to post this earlier because myself being tired at that time was the inspiration for all this, but because of that reason itself, from when I first wrote this in september, i only now finished it  
> HooRAAAYYYY THO  
> Sorry for typos  
> xxx

She wasn't a weak person, Loki's lover; she, in fact, is the strongest woman the being knew. But the way she turned around and ignored his tender touch, the way she avoided contact all because she knew she wouldn't-- _couldn't_ hold a comversation, tore the tall man's heart, making it feel as singularly pointless as if it were paper she frantically shuffled around with and disregarded til present. She was not her radiating normal self; no longer did the sky break in color to the sound and sight of her giggles and smiles. Right now, she was drained and dry to the bone. She was the epitome or tired.

What's worse, he had not an idea how to fix it.

"Darling..." he whispered, knocking on the door to his woman's study. Her silence was the only acknowledgemnt given as the man then stepped in the room. He cleared his throat, praying that the remedy he had acquired on the internet woukd actually work in curing his lover's sadness. "A Roman soldier walks into a bar and holds up two fingers," he spoke audibly. The brief pause made the disheartened woman's forehead wrinkle and eyebrows knit together in confusion of his random statement.

"What?"

Loki looked at the woman who spun her seat to face him and licked his lips before repeating his words in a louder manner this time. "A Roman soldier walks into a bar," he made a peace sign, "and holds up to fingers, saying," he cleared his throat again, _"Five beers, please."_

She looked at him, dumbfounded slowly her lips parted. She raised her brows and slowly realized what he meant and what he was trying to do. She clenched her jaw and sighed, "Loki, I would've appriciated your joke better if you had an introduction."

"I knocked."

"Not really an introduction," she groaned, turning back to her work and slamming her head on the table, total of four solid times. Loki grimaced at the sight and advanced to the woman, holding her shoulders, halting her self-assault. He sighed and spun the chair to him and knit his brows in offence, "What are you doing?"

She barely even looked at him, in the end, simply groaning like some grumpy old man. Loki sighed and cupped the smaller being's face, rattling his brain, trying to remember what else it was he researched, _"Why can't a vampire win at anything?"_ he spoke in a manner to concerned to anywhere obviously be the start of a joke.

Were we at it again, she groaned internally. With an uninterested blink, she awaited the answer, which was, _"because he sucks."_ This time, due to the expression her lover held and the fact that the joke was far too corny _not_ to react to, her face scrunched up and annoyed chuckles left her lips. In turn, the frantic god of mischief found himself at the moment happily victorious.

"You should go to sleep." Loki spoke, gather her into his arms, only to hear a weak protest. "No, nooo-I, Loki, I haven- _stop."_

"Talk all you want but the sight of you like this pains me, therefore, _purely for my own sake,_ I _must_ take you away." He huffed after saying this. The woman decided she was too tired to fight him off and simply allowed the man physically larger than her to take her away.

He laid her on their shared bed and blinked at the sight of her worn out self. "Shall you want anything in particullar to eat?"

She groaned, "I'm not hungry."

He groaned back, "Ergo, shall I feed food for the infested rut you insist on giving lunch to everyday?" She knit her brows at that and gave him a look, "You leave _Bowow_ out of this."

He sighed, "I'm simply stating if a street dog can recieve a piece of your grilled cheese sandwich everyday, why must you deprive yourself of your own sustenance?"

Wih a huff, she rolled her body to the right, leaving her on her belly, and shouted through the mattress, "I'M NOT HUNGRY, FOR FUCKS SAKE LOKI! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Loki chuckled dryly at this and crossed his arms, "I will do no such thing, especially not  since you've cursed me." He then sat on the edge of the bed, swatting the woman's exposed hand away to avoid sitting on it, also partcially because he was annoyed at her for shouting at him, and snatched her mobile phone lazily left atop her bedside table, which happened to be an inch away from falling to the floor and meeting its possible end. He pressed the number of one of the favorite contacts on her list, all before Old Man (Steve Rogers), Old Man II (Bucky Barnes), and Man-Child (Tony Stark,) but after The Original (her mother), and One True Love (Loki, obviously [he checked to be sure also to satiate his paranoia])

  


_"Hello yes,_ I'd like a large, cheese pizza, the cheesiest kind you have and an apple cinnamon pie." Loki turned to the woman still face down on the bed. He hummed in thought, "What was that other thing that you loved so much?" he whispered to her. She did not speak. "And, _er,_ do you have that dish... it's starts with an 'L' and equally has a generous amount of cheese on it," he half teased and half tried to appear as if he was truly attempting to remember what it was exactly the woman liked. _"Ah, yes, yes_ , lasagne. Though, I can't recall which sort my lover favored... what kinds do you have?"

In this moment, the woman lying on the bed turned her face to the man on the phone and pushed the covers away from her eyes. "Beef, eggplant... _anchovy?"_ Loki repeated with a nod, then with a raised brow. "I see," he caught sight of the being on the bed, whose interest had certainly been piqued, "I choose... _anchovy."_ he grinned, "It just seem I cannot recall what it was my lover likes between those three at the moment, so I suppose that will have to do."

With wide eyes and a slightly disgusted face, the woman nodded her head furiously in disagreement and mouthed _eggplant, eggplant, eggplant,_ to the smirking man on the phone. Loki chuckled victoriously over this and turned to his lap as the man on the other side of the line asked if that would be all.

_"Would that be all?"_ he repeated in a questioning tone, turning back to the woman by him. He gazed upon her face and saw that the glimmer in her eyes had slowly returned. Reaching out to caress the side of her face and tuck hair behind her ear, he muttered back to the man in the line, "No, no, that will not be all."

Repositioning himself on the bed, lying back next to his woman and gathering her to his chest, he sighed softly in relief as well as content, and answered the phone again, "I remembered that my lover favored eggplant lasagne over anchovies just now, good sir." The woman lying on his chest smiled at the calm tone of the man's voice and once again agreed internally the best place in the world was in his arms. She counted the heart beats his body produced and slowly closed her eyes eyes in content over the metronomic sound. She pushed herself closer and wrapped her arms around him, tucking her fingers in between his back and the cushion beneath him, pulling the warmth that was _her_ lover as much as she still could.

"I would also like to add a large ice cream with..." he paused upon seeing the peaceful looking woman had drifted off to sleep. "... with hot fudge, chocolate cookie bits, nuts and an extra scoop of ice vanila cream." he turned to his person, disregarding his initial want to again make himself look as though he knew not what his lover liked, and stroked her hair. He then nodded to the voice which could not see him do so and ended, "Yes, yes, that will be all. Thank you."


	5. Drunk Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DRUNK BY ED SHEERAN  
> sorry for any typos  
> Love youuuuu  
> xxx

She hiccuped and leaned against the _other_ big oaf that was not Loki's brother, slurring out incoherent words that made both beings laugh. His true brother, _wellll,_ true enough, Thor, _the undrunkable,_ he had not yet slipped into a dazed state and had, at this point in time, been dragged out on the dance floor by the likes of Banner, _the extremely drunk,_ and Natasha and Clint, _the mildly buzzed._ Loki rolled his eyes and pulled his woman away from the man whose shoulder she had been rubbing her temple on. "Loko, I'm just trying to have a joke with Stevo." she groaned in annoyance over being pulled away.

"It wasn't even funny." Loki spoke, twice annoyed over the fact he was called _Loko._

The woman turned into an extremely touchy-feely type of drunk the moment alcohol comes in contact with her lips. She had no sense of regard to personal space, which would've fine, _invited even,_ if she was only that way _towards him_ and not  everyone she could get her hands on. She snorted out, "It **so** is _too,"_ then faced her dark haired lover. "See, see, w-what do you call a mouse that walks on two legs?"

" **What?** " he asked out of annoyance with narrowed eyes, not because he wanted to know what kind of demonic rodent walked on its hind legs.

 _"Mickey Mouse!"_ she spoke with a loudly obnoxious laugh, leaning back and falling against Captain America. The golden boy behind him wheezed out a fully amused laugh as the woman lost her breath and clutched her stomach as if it would lessen the strain. The two loopy fools laughed until their faces turned crimson. Loki groaned and rolled his eyes, once more pulling _his woman_ away. _His woman, **his** woman, **his woman.**_

"Okay, okay, _buuttt..._  mmmhhmhm, butt," she hummed and laughed, "what do you call a duck that walks on two legs?"

 

There was brief silence that then fleeted the moment Steve got struck with realization. "Donald Duck!"

Loki's lover made an annoyingly loud buzzer sound and nodded her head in disagreement. _"Fool,"_ she gracelessly whipped her head back to him, pushing him back sightly, "all ducks walk on two feet!"

There was a second of silence and Loki could only knit his brows at the truth, not understanding how in the world that joke could be in any sense amusing. The silence between evaportated into a loud streak of laughter. The two felt their heads grow heavy and their chest grow tight over the excessive laughter both partook in. And even the annoyed god of mischief could not hold back a small chuckle from escaping his thin lips that curved up at his beloved. He tilted his head at the sight of her. She was glowing in this lighting, as both a slight sheen of sweat and her natural aura made her shine. Her makeup, eyeliner especially, was melting on her skin, and yet she looked as flawless as ever in his eyes.

_I wanna be drunk when I wake up_   
_On the right side of the wrong bed_   
_And every excuse I made up_   
_Tell you the truth I hate_

The woman suddenly straightened up upon hearing these lyrics in the soggy atmosphere of the place

_What didn't kill me_   
_It never made me stronger at all_

She squealed suddenly, causing the man to her left to perk up from the form that was wilting into sleepiness, and the one on the right to slightly stiffen at her random act. The woman turned to his man, the one on the right, and blinked while she pushed hair that stuck on her skin away, "We should dance. This is one of my favorite songs!"

Loki scoffed at looked at her softly, "You've been saying that all night, darling. We should just reti--" "I WANT TO DANCE!" she blurted like an angered child, which made a part of him bubble up with impatience and anger. "I refuse to dance along side my massive, ignoramus of a brother." he reasoned, placing his chin on his hand and his elbow on the table.

Amorously, ths woman scowled and stuck her lower lip out the man's disapproval. She poked his pale cheek, "Sour puss," then gracelessly leaned in to kiss his nose. She smelled like an alcohol soaked sponge when she was far, and so his nose twitched at the sharp of the smell that stung his nostrils when she was close. He didn't mind though, he didn't mind if she smelled like alcohol or sweat, or smoke, or b.o., or onions, or sardines, or vanilla, or cinnamon, or mint, as long as it was her, he'd put up with the mildness or strength.

She shuffled in her seat and nearly fell when she attempted to jump off the high stool she was on. Loki caught her with a grunt and rolled his eyes. Once she got to her feet, she turned to him and stuck her tongue out, "I'm going to be having so much fun without you." Loki pursed his lips and smiled softly at that, "I'm jealous already, love."

She whipped her head away and twirled with ease, but when she walked off, she tripped on her own two feet making Loki jolt up and eject his hand out to her. Thankfully, she didn't descend to the groan and only continued walking away. The man with blonde hair, who had been watching the entire thing, hummed out in a chuckle, "Ahh, she is so clumsy when she's drunk. Cute, but clumsy."

Loki raised his upper lip in both disgust and annoyance, then pushed Steve's arm off the table, causing his upper torso to fall forward and him to almost end up on the floor. _"Shut up."_ Loki spat, turning away from him who made him see red.

_Should I, should I?_   
_Maybe I'll get drunk again_   
_I'll be drunk again_   
_I'll be drunk again_   
_To feel a little love_

She swayed her lips slowly to the beat and joined in on the rest of the Avengers present on the dance floor. But Steve was right, she was undeniably clumsy, and very much cute when drunk. Loki smiked at the thought, but he'd never verbally allow himself to be unified with another man over a thought about his girlfriend.

The dress she wore resembled the night sky; the dark blue fabric with specks of glitter that clung to her figure appeared to be sinfully flattering and made every fluid move her body look absolutely hypnotizing. The locks on her hair were tangled, messy, and wild, and parts of her dewy skin acquired stray dots of glitter. But she didn't look haggard, _she was gorgeous,_ and he couldn't help but smile. _She was gorgeous and was his,_ what a wonderful thought to think about.

_There maybe other people like us_   
_You see the flicker of the clip when they light up_   
_Flames just create us, burns don't heal like before_   
_You don't hold me anymore_

Just as her movements became slower and slower, Loki's body perked up at the sight before him. His woman spun around and came crashing down on a figure that deliberately waited on her from the sidelines. Loki clenched his jaw tightly at the sight that made his blood boil and shot out of his seat.

The man who secured his arms around Loki's woman was called Bucky, and he loathed him more than most, for not only was he tall, lean, blue eyed, and the newly assigned partner of his agent-girlfriend, alongside the other annoying man Steve, who at present was catching some z's, but he also happened to bear an extremely intimate relationship with her that made the metal armed man pine after her as much as he did his old soldier friend. The woman's head fell back on the man's biological shoulder and soon Bucky peered down at her with concern, proceeding to rapidly pat her cheek. "Hey, doll, you gotta wake up."

Loki marched towards them with purpose and tore her off him swiftly, "Get off."

Bucky scoffed and was about to get physical with the ignorant man who so roughly pulled the woman like a rag doll, but held himself back when the woman in the said man's arms started stirring. She groaned and started regaining consciousness, Loki gazed at her and helped her get to her feet. "What happened?" she groaned.

"Don't worry, doll, you're boyfriend's selfish actions shook you awake, you should drink some water and go hom-" _"Don't touch her."_ Loki growled when the man attempted to place a hand on the agent's shoulder.

Bucky raised his brows, "I'm trying to help," and then retreacted his arm. "You're being a little too hot-headed."

"And you're about to pass a very thin boudary," Loki retaliated, stepping in between him and her. That's when the woman they were fighting over started scratching her eyes and blinking into soberity. "And don't for a second think you are invisble to the world when you blow up with raging fire.

The man with equally black hair and bright eyes in a color of steel blue chuckled and wiped his mouth, "You know why I stood up?"

"Because you were waiting for a moment to pounce and take advantage on my drunken woman!" Loki jabbed. Bucky laughed incredulously and glared, "What nice imagination. What I was really doing was making sure she didn't collapse because her selfish boyfriend didn't care to accompany her while she danced, because he was too busy being disgusted with the mundane human rituals she partook in."

"I'm better than a worn out man out of time who gets twice as drunk as her when the nightmares get unbearable."

 

"LOKI!" the woman shrieked in horror as the last bit of her soberity was pieced together in her pounding mind. Before the woman spoke his name out of protest, Loki had already regret ever uttering such things. _Dammit,_ he knew better. She looked more betrayed than the man he stabbed with an ice cold blade. "Bucky," she almost pleaded under her breath, tears pooling in the corner of her eyes. "I--" "Nah, don't turn blue, doll. He's right..." the man turned from her to Loki.  _"A_   _low blow,_ but it's true."

"I'm so sorry, Buck." "Don't be doll, I--" Buck turned back to her but then cut himself off and snapped his head to the source of the loud crashing sound. He huffed and pushed past them both, nudging Loki's shoulder with much more force than necessary. "GET OFF THE DAMN TABLE BRUCE! NATASHA, CLINT, DO _NOT_ ENCOURAGE HIM!"

Before the winter soldier walked off to play mother, he turned to his partner and smiled, "Hey, cheer up kid. Go home, get some rest, and eat some chicken soup, a'right."

Loki scowled at him and how he pat her shoulder all nonchalant. The man towering over his woman caught her wrist and spoke, "We should _indeed_ leave." But when he directed the woman off, she pulled away and snapped, "How could you say something so nasty? How-- _how_ do you live with yourself after being so cruel?"

Loki felt all his breath get drawn out along with the woman as she left with the wind. He sighed and felt twice as much guilt as he already had. _Damn_ his mouth, _damn_ his bad habit, _damn_ them all the way down to Muspelheim. Before running after her, he glanced over his shoulder and saw the immensely odd display of familial love the Avengers shared. Bruce was pointing a martini glass to Natasha like a gun, who was now trying to get him down the table, " _You're just jealous I got up here before you did!"_ the scientist exclaimed, making Clint grumble, _"Maybe I should sedate him,"_ to which Natasha replied, _"I doubt it the other guy would let it work, y'know."_ All the while Steve was talking to a wall lamp as if it was one of his old mates and Thor was laughing heartily like a viking. Bucky on the other hand, turned out to be completely helpless and had no other choice but to mutter under his breath, _"I swear to shit, this team,"_ as he wiped his face and nodded in disagreement over what laid out before him.

 

And so Loki ran after his lover and caught her shoulder, which in turn caused the woman to shake sharply away from his grip. "Darling, slow dow-" _"Stop it!_ I can't look at you right now without getting angry over what you said."

Loki grumbled, "I don't understand why you're so torn up about it," though in truth he knew well and just didn't want to admit and answer to it.

 _"Bull. Shit."_ she called, finally turning to him. "You know me! You--" her breath hitched and she shivered, "You know how I am and how much I hate it when you do this because you yourself know it's despicable."

Loki gulped and found he could no longer look at her in this moment and had his eyes forced to look at his feet. She let out a pained sound the sniffled, causing his to avert his eyes back to her.  _You've done it now, you fool,_ he mentally cursed himself,  _you've made her cry._

"He's just a man, he..." she bit her lip and huffed, "he's been through a lot and it took a lot for him to get into the state he's in now." She sighed and wiped the tears away from her face. "I've seen him walk around restlessly at night. His eyes heavy, body dragging, and yet he could never bring himself to sleep." She shuddered at the hiss of the wind and Loki could no longer bear the sight of her, so he stripped his coat off and draped it on her shoulders just as he crushed her against his chest. She broke into a sob against him and helplessly clung to his form. "It broke my heart to see him like that because... _because it reminded me of you."_

Loki's heart dropped.

"I remember how broken you were some nights, how much pain and loneliness haunted you in your dreams." She pulled away and whined when she saw her lover's make-up drenched shirt. She tried wiping it away, but to no avail, plus, Loki only caught her hand in his and told her to stoo. She looked up at him and sighed, "He's human... _they all are._ They bleed, they cry, they feel, which is why they shouldn't be treated like anything more or less." She caught his face in her hands, her lips quivering at the sight of his sad and guilt-ridden face. "Oh baby, I love you so much." she rose to her toes, pecked his lips quickly, and fell back on her heels.

"But to say I don't also love Bucky..." she spoke, almost making Loki's heart break and scatter on the earth into a million tiny pieces. "To say my heart didn't bleed for him, that I don't care for his well-being, hell for the entire Avenger's well-being, it would be the biggest and most treacherous lie I would've ever told anyone.

"But make no mistake, I don't love them the way I love you. I don't think about them the same way or feel love the same way I feel for you, Loki."

 

"I'm sorry, I-" but the man's words were cut short by the woman's finger which she graciously put on his lips. "You don't have to apologize to me."

Loki's face scrunched up because of that, because of what he now knowingly had to do. "I could just do it tomorrow."

_"Loki."_

"Darling, you should've seen Banner atop a table! It was horren..." but he cut himself short after seeing his woman's face, and after she finally pulled her soft hands away, placing them instead on her hips, leaving his face awfully cold. He huffed and straightened himself out, _"Fine."_

 

So they walked back to the bar, just as they caught Bucky, whose shoulder was draped with one Banner, and Captain America, who had either arm on Natasha's and Clint's shoulder. Thor was behind them, looking awfully cheery, and twice that when he saw Loki and his other half. "Ah, brother, sister, you've returned." Thor adressed either of them, pushing past the struggling Avengers who had sarcastically stated they needed not his assistance, hence why he was not helping any one of them. "Did you come back so we could all return to the tower together? Or have you a change of heart and wish to go partake in _'bar hopping'_ with me now?"

Loki knit his brows deeply at his brother who had placed his arm on his shoulder and pulled him close to his chest. The acts of one fiesty agent made a smule grow on Loki's lips as shd grabbed the blonde's ear and pulled him away. "Thor, I swear, I will cut you." she warned, then released the man before he could continue wincing.

He rubbed his ear with a pout then chuckled, "I've said it once before," the god of thunder smiled at his brother's woman and to his brother himself, "I like her and her might."

The said woman then motioned to Bucky, and Loki then turned to him and opened his mouth. But before could speak, "Apology accepted." the winter soldier said, and the man thrown over his shoulder was placed to his feet and shoved against Loki. "Just help me carry this strong odored load."

Loki pulled his head away after catching on what he meant, smelling the mix of alcohol and vomit on the smaller man in between them, "Don't you think this is a little to much for a truce?"

The two suddenly shared a chuckle. "Maybe, but you were kinda an ass." Bucky pointed.

With the sweet sound of laughter, the woman in the night sky colored dress smiled.

 

 _"Oh heyyy,"_ Bruce suddenly slurred, "Hey, look guys, it's _Loko!"_

Loki raised his upper lip and rolled his eyes.  _Just a little bit longer, just a little bit longer,_ he reassured himself.

 

"Uhh guys!" the sound of thrusters filled the air. "You guys went partying without me!" Tony's voice echoed through a speaker. He then got out of his iron suit, revealing his designer suit, and pursed his lips and put his hands on his waist, "Not cool."

The woman rolled his eyes at him, "Honey, it's been a long night. I do not want to deal with you too."


End file.
